Twenty twenty five.

Gonna keep this one short.

This has been a really rough year for me. I've had rougher; the seven years since mom died have contained some of the worst moments of my life. While 2025 doesn't quite have the sheer level of awfulness that was the first few months after mom died, or frankly speaking most of 2021, or the last three months of 2024, it was still an absolute stinker of a year. I think the only thing that saved me was moving into my own apartment, even though I can barely afford it and am losing money fast living here. I also had a visit from one of my very best friends in the whole wide world, and that made a lot of difference.

But things were and are still really tough. I don't know what the future holds for me. It's been a lot of disappointments; a lot of worrying, for myself and for people I care about. I've been through an emotional wringer; it feels like not a week goes by where I don't cry myself to sleep at least once. Most of the time I feel isolated, alone, and unwanted and unheard. I have a Discord server full of people who tell me otherwise, and while I love my little friends who live in my pocket, it's still not the same as having someone in person who can show up when I'm having a bad day and say "hey, I made you some food" or "hey, let's get you out of the apartment and do something." Someone who can show up to help me move stuff or fix stuff or get something done, so I don't have to do it alone like I've done so many things I've had to do the last seven years. The isolation is crushing; the silence is deafening. I feel like I'm at the bottom of the ocean, and all the fish are gone.

That's on top of all the horrible things that have happened in 2025, in a broader sense; I don't really need to elaborate, do I? All you gotta do is look at the news, look outside your window. I guess you could argue that the things I'm complaining about are small potatoes compared to what's happening to other people, but it's still a lotta carbs. (The carbs here are a metaphor for trauma.)

I guess the only thing I can really say is that I hope 2026 is better for you and me. I want to thank everyone who's been kind to me this year. I'd like to thank everyone who treated me like shit this year too, for helping me realize that I can do without people like you. I don't need to chase after people who hurt me to assuage their feelings. If they want to throw me away without so much as a thought, I can do the same. "Fuck you," they say, as they storm out on me because I asked to be treated nicer. I just shrug. Not my problem anymore. And I'd like to thank especially the new friends I've made this year; you've brought new kinds of sunshine into my world and healed my heart in small, but meaningful ways. I love you.

Here's hoping 2026 sucks less. And if it doesn't, here's hoping it's at least funny. Either way, I'll find the strength I need to keep moving forward, and I hope the same for you all.

-june❤